The Journey

 Love and loss are two sides of the same coin, I believe. 

Love brings a richness to our life.  It's what gives meaning to the path that we walk, from our arrival on this earthly plane to our eventual departure.  It's love that proves to us just how precious this human experience is.  Each one of us walks a separate path in this continuum; and it's the intersection of these paths with family, friends, pets, and yes, sometimes, strangers that gives our life meaning. 

And while it's love that fills us up, loss needn't leave us empty. 

 Loss is an inescapable doorway that we must walk through on this journey.  And, on the other side... well, we never know what awaits us there - but sure enough, there is always something.   Doors open.  Doors close.  We live life one day at a time, mostly unaware of the where the road leads.  Therein lies the beauty and the sorrow.

Farm life has gifted us an immeasurable amount of love over the years.  We have also known our share of sorrow.  We ask ourselves if the joy is worth the sorrow - and the answer is “Yes!", absolutely and resoundingly.

We walked through that doorway of loss this weekend... saying goodbye to our sweet, tiny, white horse, Ollie.  


It was quite unexpected and feels surreal.  I had headed out of town very early Saturday morning while Jack stayed home to stay with the critters.  Around noontime, Jack went out to the barn and noticed that Ollie did not seem himself.  He was in obvious distress.  An emergency visit from the vet, medications, NG tube, etc were all done to hopefully relieve his colic.  The medications seemed to help, but only temporarily, and by evening (and another vet visit with more treatments) it was apparent that this battle was not going to be won - he had a very severe intestinal obstruction.  I was on the train coming home and Jack called me to fill me in on the day's events.  We made the difficult decision to have Ollie euthanized in order to stop his suffering.  (When his sedation wore off, there was no doubt that he was suffering.)  Although I would have wanted to be able to say goodbye and be there for my little fellow... I asked that they not wait for me.  I didn't want him to suffer a moment more than was necessary.  

There are many questions for which we have no answers.  Sometimes these things just happen.  Decisions can be agonizing - but we do what we feel is in the best interest of our animals - always.

Ollie passed peacefully under a clear starry sky.  I couldn't ask for anything more than that.  He passed, surrounded by love - after living his somewhat short life to the fullest here on the farm - his home since the age of three weeks.  You can ready his story HERE.  It was written nine years ago.

On the other side of every doorway lies a new normal -

 adjusting to it is a process for us and for the animals.

Thank you for caring.  Thank you for your love.

Comments

jaz@octoberfarm said…
omg, bev! i am so so sorry to read this. you did your best; that is all we can do in these circumstances. these guys break our hearts. big hugs to all of you.
This N That said…
A huge loss. So sorry. Much love.
daisy g said…
So sorry to hear! Bless you all. You gave each other a joyful life. May God’s love surround you.
The JR said…
Bev, I'm so sad. I know this was a huge loss to all of you who personally know and have loved that sweet boy. He has been so loved and knew it.
Kathy S said…
Bev, my heart hurts for your loss of that little guy. I’ll miss seeing photos of him and his crazy, wild mane. Love and hugs to all.
Diane said…
I am so sad to hear of Ollie's passing. I read his story again and boy, did he get lucky to live on your farm. You gave him a great life full of love and all the physical needs. He will live on in our memories.
Ann said…
Bev,
One time my veterinarian sent me a card after my dog died, which said, "Between hello and goodbye there is love, so much love."
Bless you and Jack.
Ann
Rena said…
I'm so sorry for your loss of your beloved Ollie. He was so cute and funny and it's a sad event for all of us who have enjoyed him through the years. He will be missed.
Jeannie said…
Oh, such sad news this morning. I'm sending comfort and lots of love. Thanks for posting his story. What a lucky little guy to end up with you.
Moggie said…
Such sad news about little Ollie, but you framed it in such a way that I saw hope, as well. And you’re right, the love is worth the pain of the loss.
Unknown said…
Sending hugs for the moments when the sadness creeps in. I believe all my animals will be in heaven waiting for me....what a day that will be. Lisa G in TN
sheryl said…
so very sorry for your loss.
Maureen said…
Bev, I am so sorry to hear of Ollie’s passing. I know his short life was filled with lot of love.
RHill3 said…
So very sorry for your loss. Even when uou onow you made the right decision, it still hurts.
Margy said…
Jack and Bev - I am so sorry to wake up to read this sad news this morning. My heart is heavy when any animal dies but I’ve seen Ollie thru your eyes grow up and this is such a loss. Prayers are being sent your way. Hugs from KY Margy
Lynne said…
Sad to hear Beverly. . .
Thankful he isn’t suffering . . .
Sweet Ollie . . .
I'm so very, very sorry you had to say goodbye. Such a difficult decision for you I know. He had a wonderful home with you on the farm and he was loved. Those two things are what matter and you have wonderful memories to sustain you.
Sally said…
Jack and Bev. I am so sorry to hear about Ollie this morning. Just remember all the memories you have of him, he seems like a good horse. You are in my prayers.

Marcia LaRue said…
Not exactly how we wish to start a new week at BHA, but here we are! Little Ollie has crossed that rainbow 🌈 bridge and I am so sorry to read the news!
May the rest of the week be more joyful! 🥰
Wanda Devers said…
I am so sorry. He was such a little character and so loved.
Judy said…
Im so very sorry for your loss.
Anonymous said…
So many people loved Ollie through your Blog, and we all grieve with you. But your talent for love, giving, and expressing feelings are a balm to our souls. I intend to share your message with friends who have lost animal family members. And Yes, love is worth it.
Karen said…
It should tell you something about your sweet boy - that I read the news and burst out crying . . . I feel like I know all of your sweet souls personally. My heart aches for you and your family. I want to thank you, yet again, for sharing your life with all of us. We got to know your darling Ollie - he was so loved - every single minute of his life. But his loss - what a tough one. Love and heart felt condolences from our family to yours. xxxx Karen
Anonymous said…
So sorry, I read your blog religiously and it's always such a bright light in the dark. Be comforted knowing your animal friends have such happy lives thanks to your kindness.
deodar said…
Somewhere, somewhere in time and place, there must be some sweet pastured place. Where tall trees grow and creeks stream on, some paradise where horses go, for by the love that guides my pen I know great horses live again.
William Harrison

Having lost three treasured equines to colic, one whom I had from the day he was foaled in my paddock, I know the sorrow.
OH my, Bev. So very sorry to hear about your Ollie. What a big shock for all of you. You're right....I'm sure it will take some getting used to, his not being there.
You provide a wonderful, beautiful home for critters of every kind there. They feel your love. Know that we mourn with you for Ollie. Take care.
THE BEARDED ONE said…
THAT WQAS SURE A GREAT TRIBUTE..LOOSING AN ANIMAL YOU LOVE IS AWLWAYS SOOOOOOOOV ERY SAD...IT HAS HAPPENED TO ME TOO MANY TIMES....AT 81 (5 MONTHS FOR 82)I EXPECT SUCH TO HAPPEN...INCLUDING ME ONE DAY...I SURE LOVE THESE PICS AND COMMENTS...I WAS OUT OF POCKET ALL DAY MONDAY...AND FIXING TO GO MOW MY WIFES YARD...HUGE...KEEP SMILING AND THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOO VERY MUCH FOR THE TIME YOU SPEND TO HELP MAKE OUR DAYS SPECIAL...GOD BLESS AND KEEP SMILING !!!!!!!