Good Grief

 Good Morning, Friend.  This is a tale that I knew I would have to tell... eventually.  I originally thought I would tell it last summer, but we had a reprieve.  It's a tale I've told so very many times before and it's one that I will repeat in the future... because, well... that's life on the farm.

We lost a dear friend this weekend.  MaryAnn left us on Saturday morning.  She was unable to get up from her sleeping position - something that we had feared might happen.  You might remember me writing last summer that she had stopped eating.  We were pretty sure she had some form of cancer at that time.  She eventually rallied and we've had an extra year with her.  A gift, for sure.

(MaryAnn, some time ago)

Most recently, she had lost an incredible amount of weight and most of her musculature.  She was literally dwindling away in front of our eyes.  Yet, she seemed in no obvious distress these last few weeks.  Every morning, like clockwork, she would trot to the treat corner for her graham crackers.   She took trips to the pasture and was her usual friendly self.

(last summer)

 We kept a close eye on her... watching her get thinner and thinner and knowing that her time to leave us was nearing.  Saturday morning, very suddenly, she was in great distress... trying and trying to get on her feet, but unable.  She was frantic.  I sat with her, talking to her and stroking her to calm her.  Luckily, my presence helped,  until the vet could come and give her a sedative.   It was obvious that her time had come.  Not wanting to prolong her suffering, we made the difficult decision - feeling that we had no other choice.

  She was then given a larger sedative dose, falling asleep and passing in peace.

I am filled with sadness at the loss of this wonderful friend who has been by my side for the past 12 years. But, at the same time, my heart is full of joy for all of the wonderful moments we shared during that time.  MaryAnn was truly "my" pig.  She had a language that she used only with me and was so enthusiastic in expressing her pleasure when seeing me.  If pigs feel love (and I believe that they do), then, I know that she loved me as I loved her.


Immediately, upon her passing, Ginger (her sister) and Faith (our sheep) came running over to the pasture fence just outside the pig house.  It was apparent that these two girls sensed "something".  I called Ginger into the pig yard and into the pig house so that she could see MaryAnn's body.  She came in, stood in front of MaryAnn and quietly looked at her for a few moments.  Then, she turned and left the pig house.  I felt, all along, that she understood what had happened.  Most of the rest of the day, Ginger and Faith stayed very close to each other. 

 It is my feeling that these two girls we be fine with just each other.  Ginger was the less social of the piggy girls - so I believe she will take this loss in her stride.

(Ginger after MaryAnn's passing)

And though I grieve the loss of my friend, I am also aware that as difficult as grief is... it is a beautiful thing.  Loss is a part of the human condition.  None of us escapes it.  Grief stands as evidence that we have known love.  There is no greater gift than to love and to be loved.  Without love, there is no grief.  How blessed are we to experience the joy that love brings.  And so, we are blessed, as well, to know grief.

Loss serves as a reminder to hold on to those we love.  To embrace.  To encourage.  To forgive.  To hold on to every moment.  To squeeze every last drop of joy from all of our relationships. To love with every fiber of our being... all the while knowing that grief awaits us at some point.

There is no life without loss... at least not one worth living.

Sending love, from the farm, my friend.

September 2011...infancy

2012... adolescence

November 2022... her barnyard pals

Comments

janie said…
So sorry for your loss. I read your blog everyday and sorry I don't often post. I am in tears for your loss. May you find comfort in the memories.
Karla said…
Bev, I am sad for you and your farm family to hear about MaryAnn. I read once that grief is the souvenir of love. MaryAnn was certainly loved. Much love to you and yours.
This N That said…
So sad for your loss. So many memories to bring you comfort. Hugs.
Anonymous said…
Oh, so very sorry to read of MaryAnn's passing. I enjoyed reading about her and the special bond you shared.
daisy g said…
So grateful that you had so many wonderful years together. She was so well loved. Glad she went peacefully, with her family around her.
Sending blessings to you and all who loved her.
The JR said…
I am so, so sorry. It's so hard losing our heart animals. She had many years of love from you and she gave you love in return.
Ramona from MS
sheryl said…
I am so very sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing Mary Ann with us all these years - I feel her loss too. Wishing you and your family (Ginger and Faith too) comfort at this time.
Anonymous said…
Thank you for your post. Sending much love ❤️��
Tracy from MT
Anonymous said…
Oh so sorry, but glad you had many good years with her. That is the only, only, only bad part of loving pets, when they leave us.
Marcy in Atlanta
Eileen in Fla. said…
You're very brave but we know you must be heart broken. So sorry for the loss of your special friend.
Csnook said…
So very sorry for your loss.
Wanda1950 said…
I am so sad to know that Mary Ann is gone and that yall are having to go through such grief. She was a wonderful companion and was loved by everyone.
colleen said…
Bev, I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you so much for your beautifully written words. It is such a blessing that Faith got to bond with Ginger and MaryAnne and can be by Ginger's side. I think Ginger is showing her love to you and trying to console you. You are in my thoughts and Prayers. xoxoxo
Marcia LaRue said…
I am so sorry for your loss, as well. MaryAnne was your special pig, for sure! You, Ginger, and Faith may have to sit in a quiet corner of the pasture and have a little chat about losing your special pig girl and Ginger's sister!
❤️
Sally said…
Bev, so sorry to hear about the passing of MaryAnn. I know you will be comforted since she knew that you loved her, and she loved you. Blessing to you and all those that loved her.
Kathy S said…
Beautiful but sad post today. My condolences on the passing of your special buddy. I will miss seeing her little piggy face at the fence.
Anonymous said…
Dear Bev and farm family, sending you a big hug. You’re so generous to send out beautiful words and photos every day, and I consider you part of my family. Mary Ann was so loved by so many, and so special. I’m very sorry for your loss.
Jody in Georgia said…
I am so sorry for the loss of Your beloved friend. All of us who have loved animals understand the grief and also the blessing of having her for so many years.
Karen said…
Oh your dear, sweet lil' piggy Mary Ann . . . I felt like I knew her . . .I think we all know how you and Jack are feeling today. What a loss. I guess the best that we can do is love the heck out of our beloved friends, every single day, and Mary Ann got that in spades! But they sure leave a hole in the fabric of our lives. I was sitting here crying and my dog ran and got her squeaky toy - trying to get me happy again:) So we all send our love and thoughts to your entire love family. xoxoxo Karen & Terry Arlington, WA
dustbunny8 said…
Thank you for sharing her with us all these years I am so glad her passing was quick. It's never easy to say goodbye to them so sending you hugs today. She was
SOME PIG.
Anonymous said…
Tears slip down my cheeks as I read your post I also knew was coming. You wrote so beautifully about love and loss. We are truly so blessed by the lives of these creatures sent by the Lord and that love can be measured by our grief at their departure from earth. My days are coming too. I can see the horizon. With 2 aging Labs and a 14 year old kitty with liver issues…well, you know. Every day IS a blessing. Prayers for your hurting heart and those of Ginger and Hope too. ❤️ Debbie
Meghan Grace said…
You somewhat prepared us for her passing in a recent post. It still hurts so much. I remember when you adopted Ginger and MaryAnn. Where does time go? She was a blessing to us all as you are a blessing to us all too. I'm sorry for your loss. She gave us all joy!
Kelley said…
Thank you for your poignant words about love and grief. My younger sister, an outstanding triathlon athlete, was recently diagnosed with pancreatic cancer that has spread to her liver. Today is her 65th birthday. So love and grief are very present in our family now too.
So sorry about your special lovely pig.
Junebug said…
So sorry for you loss. You and your entire farm family are in my thoughts.
Judy said…
I'm so sorry on the passing of Mary Ann
I always enjoyed seeing her here on your blog.
Bev,
I'm so sorry to hear of sweet MaryAnn's passing. Though I only knew her through your blog, tears are falling. I know you will grieve this sweet friend who has been a blessing. I am glad she is no longer suffering. It is still so hard to lose any of our furbabies. They are family. She had a great life with you there that not many do. I am grateful for all the wonderful times you shared of MaryAnn with us. Sending love and prayers.
jaz@octoberfarm said…
omg bev, i just can't. i am a sack of tears right now. i am so so sorry.
Mimi of Five said…
Well as with everyone else my eyes are leaking and won't stop. We have all experience this love and loss. I love what you said that if we don't have grief then we have never experienced love and that is so true. As my uncle THE BEARDED ONE said we will have our family reunion this Saturday and this is when I feel the most loved by my family. I hope you find comfort in loving on Ginger to help her grieve. Thank you so much for sharing your life with us.
Pam said…
What a beautiful tribute to your friend Mary Ann. So very sorry for your loss, but happy that you were able to love her so long and so well. Thank you for sharing her with us.
Agent X, not said…
Bev- Sorry to read of the loss, at the same time I love this post. Anyone who has ever had animals, or someone loved, probably understands your thoughts. MaryAnn was a very lucky lady, as are you to have known her. Your care and stewardship of all in your world is a joy to watch (virtually) and an inspiration to read. Peace be with all, Ginger, Faith, & the cats included.
Debbie Garcia said…
I'm so sorry to read about the loss of your sweet Mary Ann. My heartfelt condolences to you and your family. May your many wonderful and happy memories help to bring you comfort. Hugs.
THE BEARDED ONE said…
ANY TIME WE LOSE A PET OR LOVED ONE....IT TOUCHES OUR HEART AND WE HAVE TOO EMOTIONS...ONE OF SADNESS AND ONE OF RELIEF THAT THE SUFFERING IS OVER...REMEMBERING THE GREAT TIMES IS A WONDERFUL EMOTION...SADLY...DEATH IS A PART OF LIFE...THANK YOU FOR YOUR GREAT WONDERFUL AND KIND COMMENTS... KEEP SMILNG !!!!
So Much Glory said…
What a loving and beautiful, truth-filled tribute. As much as a blessing as Mary Ann was to you, you were to her.
Oh Bev, you have said it so well. Grief hits us when we have had the honor to know Love. Even though you have been suspecting that Mary Ann would be leaving you sometime soon, it still is hard when it finally happens. My deepest sympathy to you and your family over the loss of this lovely friend of yours. I too hope that Ginger and Faith stay close now that they just have each other for company. I love all the critters on your farm. Thank you for sharing this sad time with all of us.
Cheryl said…
I am also sitting here crying for a sweet piggy that I never got to meet.
But like the words Charlotte wove into her web about Wilbur, “Some Pig,” “Terrific,” “Radiant” and “Humble”...they all applied to MaryAnn as well.
We are all going to miss you so much MaryAnn.
Leslye said…
My heart goes out to you over your loss of Mary Ann.I also believe pigs can love us back. I had a dear sweet girl who lived to 14 and I know she loved me back.